


Infinite

by boppmin



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 20:21:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15396660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boppmin/pseuds/boppmin
Summary: Nayeon's slowly getting better.





	Infinite

Nayeon takes a deep breath as the car approaches her old apartment building. It's been around 3 weeks (or maybe even more) since she's been in the proximity of this place and she's feeling rather nervous. Her chest tightens as they pass by the familiar houses and lamp posts near the building. The feeling of nostalgia being around the area makes her feel comfortable and anxious at the same time. Jeongyeon looks at her from the rear view mirror and notices her jittering. The short haired girl motions for Jihyo who sits on the front passenger seat to look at Nayeon who's seated at the back.

 

"Are you sure you don't want us to go with you?"

 

Nayeon clutches her phone even tighter wanting to say 'yes' to her best friend's offer but hesitates. She knows that she has to do this alone even if this kills her.

 

"I'm fine. I can do this by myself. I'll call you guys after."

 

The car slows down as it nears the building front. It feels like she hasn't been here for years even though it's only been a 'few' days. Her body stiffens as the car comes to a stop by the entrance. Jeongyeon puts the car on park and removes her seatbelt before turning her head to Nayeon.

 

"You don't have to do this. Jihyo and I can finish everything up for you."

 

"No, really. I'm okay. You guys can leave."

 

Jeongyeon and Jihyo look at each other and before they could appeal to go with Nayeon again, the girl had already opened the car door and said her goodbyes. She waves them off before hastily going inside the building and practically running up the stairs. She didn't want to change her mind and drag her friends with her so she left as fast as she could.

 

The hallway looked the same. Some of the paint on the walls were chipping off and the ends of the railings were rusting. The view from the building was the same as always. Seeing that the familiar landscape was there with the familiar sound it made and the people who made them.

 

There were only 3 apartments on that floor and the apartment at the end was Nayeon's. Or at least it used to be.

 

With each step towards her door, her shoulders felt heavier. She suddenly remembers every special memory she had here and her heart aches with longing.

 

The door knob feels cool around her palm as she pushes the door open. She slowly steps inside both savoring the moment and protecting herself from the pain she feels with each step she takes. The breeze around the place feels cooler now.

 

The kitchen is on the left side as soon as you enter the apartment. There is a wooden divider between it and the door making a small hallway that leads to the living room. Nayeon goes straight to the couch by the window and passes by the bookshelf beside it. Boxes are scattered around by the shelf and the coffee table in front of the couch. She takes a deep breath as she observes the boxes placed around the apartment. Her old bookshelf was now empty and the boxes beside it labeled according to the books' genre. Other boxes were also piled up, organized by their uses, and the marker and tape used to pack them were neatly placed on the table. A six-pack of beers with some snacks were beside the supplies with a note under it.

 

"Just in case you need it. Don't finish them all at once though. Call us. -Jeongyeon & Jihyo"

 

Nayeon takes a shaky breath thanking her best friends in her head. There weren't much words uttered when her life fell apart, so her 2 best friends just let her be and arranged everything she was supposed to fix. She really feels lucky to have them in her life, they took her in without even a second thought and took care of her. Honestly, she doesn't know how her two best friends put up with her these past few days, but nonetheless, they did and she is forever grateful.

 

She grabs a can of beer and leans back on the couch. The beer is warm but it's still beer and it's the only thing she can count on to provide heat for her when the chill around the apartment air makes her shiver. She takes a big gulp taking up half of the can's contents and closes her eyes.

 

 

_"Scoot over."_

_Mina looks at Nayeon standing over the couch as she lies on her back reading her book. She looks at her girlfriend and smirks._

_"Don’t wanna"_

_"Come on. I want to lie down too." The older girl whines_

_Mina smiles teasingly and shakes her head 'no' to her girlfriend. Nayeon fakes shock and puts down her book on the coffee table. She quickly moves to straddle Mina and pins both of her arms above her head. The younger's eyes widen in shock, surprised at her girlfriend’s actions. Nayeon takes one hand to pin Mina's arms while the other starts its tickle attack on Mina's sides. The younger girl laughs and squirms under her girlfriend, trying to free herself, but fails miserably._

_"Please, please, please stop. I'll move! I promise!"_

_Nayeon stops and looks at her girlfriend with an eye brow raised. Mina always teases her and this is how she would counter. Mina was strong but tickles are her weakness. The older girl loved how her girlfriend would look with disheveled hair, trying hard to catch her breath, laughing tears in her eyes. Myoui Mina was a sight and Nayeon was captivated._

_"Really?"_

_"Yes, please. Just stop. My tummy hurts too much"_

_Nayeon nods satisfied and gets off of her girlfriend. She gets her book back from the coffee table and lies down next to Mina. She positions her head on her girlfriend's arm and starts reading from the last page she was on, acting like she hadn't just 'harassed' the latter just now._

_Mina huffs at the sight and gives Nayeon a kiss on the head. She was a handful but the younger girl adored every bit of her._

_"I love you, Im Nayeon."_

_The older girl smiles and hums a contented sigh. She snuggles up even more to Mina, feeling the soft breathing of the latter on her back and thinks how warm and cozy it feels to be loved by Mina._

 

 

Nayeon lets go of the tears she had been trying so hard to keep. The feeling of how she won't be able to have that luxury of feeling that warmth again hits her hard. She takes the beer on her hand up to her lips and gulps the remaining half in one go. Silent sobs can be heard from the room as she tries her hardest not to fall apart. It's been weeks but the wound of being left behind feels so fresh like it was yesterday.

 

Suddenly, she feels like she can't stand being on the couch anymore. The comfort it gave is now gone and it makes her stomach clench in pain instead. She wants to throw up but opts not to so she gets up and heads to the kitchen to look for a bottle of water. As expected, the fridge was empty and unplugged. Luckily, her friends had also thought to leave bottles of water by the kitchen counter so Nayeon takes one and drinks it. Her heart's racing from the sudden stomach ache and her knees feel weak. She leans by the sink for support and puts her right hand on the left side of her chest, trying to calm her heart.

 

She looks up and observes the room. No more spatulas were hung by the stove, cabinets were empty, and all the plates, mugs and glasses were neatly arranged in one of the boxes in the living room, labeled fragile.

 

Nayeon clutches her shirt; her heart stings. Not only does her heart feel empty, one of her favorite rooms -or rather her whole house -is now empty too. It feels surreal.

 

 

_"Hey." Nayeon leans by the kitchen entrance looking at her girlfriend washing the dishes._

_"Hey."_

_"You know that you can do that later right?"_

_"Yeah, but I just can't help it."_

_Nayeon steps towards the younger girl and positions herself behind her, wrapping her arms around Mina's waist and resting her chin on the latter's right shoulder._

_"But I miss you baby."_

_"We've been together this whole time. Don't be so dramatic."_

_"Is it so wrong for me to miss your presence? I want to be with you, like all the time. I mean, I do love you and all._

_"And I love you too. But, babe. Dirty dishes. Can't help it. Besides, I'm almost done. Just need to rinse these."_

_"Are you sure there's nothing I can do to make you leave those first and spend time with me?"_

_Mina pauses and closes her eyes when she feels Nayeon's soft lips trailing kisses on her neck._

_"Baby."_

_"Mm?"_

_Nayeon plants love bites on her girlfriend's neck and slightly pulls down Mina's shirt to the right exposing part of the latter's shoulder, placing more kisses there. Mina's legs suddenly feel like jelly._

_"Babe."_

_"Mhm."_

_"B-babe, please”_

_Mina's sentences waver, and Nayeon grows more confident, getting a little bit more rough as the younger girl moans._

_"Baby.” Mina says as she drops the plates and quickly cleans her hands before turning around to face her girlfriend._

_"God, you're stubborn."_

_Nayeon stops and looks at Mina with innocent eyes and a toothless smile, amused and acting as if she wasn't doing anything 'inappropriate' just now._

_Mina's wraps her now free hands on Nayeon's waist and pulls her close. She finally crashes their lips together, connecting them after her girlfriend's teasing._

_They move in sync having memorized each other’s movements from having done this multiple times already. Nayeon knows what makes Mina moan and vice versa. They move slowly at first, savoring each other and building momentum until they grow hungrier and devour each other, their lips dancing and fighting over dominance._

_Nayeon swears that Mina's lips are the softest and 'bestest' things she has ever tasted. The taste of cherries (or sometimes oranges depending on Mina’s current chap stick) has been imprinted on her mind and she craves it all the time. Cherries with a hint of Mina has become her most favorite flavor. She's addicted to it. But definitely not as much as how she loves hearing Mina's melodic voice making sinful sounds that she created. Nayeon's mind becomes a mess then and lust overcomes her. Her need for Mina overpowers her._

_The younger girl tries (and fails) to suppress a moan behind her throat and it turns Nayeon on even more. She gathers her strength and grabs Mina from behind and pulls her up onto the counter, letting the younger girl straddle her as they continue to make out. Their kisses grow deeper and rougher by the second and they part only to catch their breaths. Mina wraps her legs around Nayeon, pulling her impossibly closer than before. Nayeon lifts up Mina's oversized shirt (which is her only piece of clothing by the way -aside from her panties) and throws it on the ground. She moves her hands and slides it over her girlfriend’s sides then onto her breasts, teasing Mina once again. The latter instinctively digs her nails onto the older girl's back and bites her lower lip. She moves her right hand onto Nayeon's hair and kisses her harder before pulling her by her hair parting their lips roughly._

_"Bed. Now." Mina pants before she kisses Nayeon again with much fervor and the latter immediately follows._

_The older girl picks up her girlfriend from the counter and carries her towards their shared bedroom. Mina's legs are wrapped tightly around her waist, and they tumble out of the kitchen, passing through the living room and the bathroom, kissing each other like it's their last._

_Mina's bare skin feels smooth against Nayeon's arms. Her body's hot against the older girl's touch and every caress Nayeon makes on Mina's body makes the latter moan._

_The older girl doesn't know where it comes from but she finds strength to actually carry her girlfriend to their bedroom and they actually arrive there -with much effort, of course. Nayeon sits on the bed's edge with Mina sitting on her lap. The younger girl starts shedding Nayeon's clothes and as soon as their bare bodies touch, they both moan in ecstasy. They've done this many many times before but it feels as though it was their first every single time. The hunger to taste each other never really dying down and maybe even growing stronger as they spend more time together._

_The couple make love that afternoon and Nayeon succeeds in convincing Mina to stay in bed with her for the rest of the day. They cuddle as they talk about everything and nothing at the same time._

 

 

Nayeon doesn't know how but she suddenly finds herself standing in the middle of their old bedroom. It's close to empty now with only their luggage situated by the door and their bed frame with a sheet cover-less mattress is left. The room seemed bigger than how she remembers it. The furniture was unmoved but the place was now empty.

 

The foot of the bed was by the door and it was leaned against the corner. On the side was their little night table and beside that was their shared 'office table' with 1 chair which they would take turns in using depending on who was pulling an all-nighter for work at the time; above both tables was the room window. Opposite to the window was their cabinet -which is now also empty -and the wall opposite to their bed used to be decorated with a big cork board in the middle with photos of the couple surrounding it. They used to call that space the "PengBun Wall". It was their nicknames for each other combined plus the word 'wall' at the end. Nayeon came up with it and Mina thought it was lame and dorky but she loved Nayeon so she let her name it that way. The cork board was for reminders but mostly it was for their bucket list. They would make it a goal to do this and that and enjoy the feeling of being able to cross off their list one by one.

 

Nayeon's legs give up on her and tears keep streaming down her face as she stands in the middle of their shared bedroom. She doesn't sob or full on cry. Not anymore. But she still can't control whenever the tears start falling so she decides to lie on the bed and stare at the bedroom ceiling. She wonders how Jeongyeon and Jihyo ever cleaned up the mess she made on her first night alone. She guesses that the lack of boxes meant that her best friends must have thrown most of her things away. She wonders if her friends were able to salvage at least bits and pieces of the "PengBun Wall" but she doubts there were any left.

 

She moves her gaze to the wall beside their bed and finds a make-shift basketball ring there. She almost forgot that that was there. Jihyo and Jeongyeon must've left it there on purpose seeing that the house was now clean yet it was still there. Nayeon just stares at that basketball ring, tears still flowing from her eyes. Her body feels numb and her mind is going blank. She misses Mina.

 

 

_"Oh! I got it! Wait here" Mina says excitedly as she gets up from the bed and moves around with paper and tape on her hands. Nayeon sits up on the bed looking at her girlfriend with a confused expression._

_"Got what? What are you doing?"_

_"I'm making a basketball ring! I'm bored and I missed playing this so..yeah! Let's play!"_

_Nayeon raises an eyebrow at her girlfriend who's excitedly wrapping tape around a balled up piece of paper. She giggles at the sight and decides to watch Mina make their little basketball court. The younger girl was hard to stop whenever she gets this excited about something. But it amuses Nayeon so she leaves her be._

_After finishing making the basketball ball, Mina proceeds to make the basketball ring hastily and steps on the bed to tape it on the wall. She steps down from the bed and pulls Nayeon up to stand on the floor of the room. Mina takes the ball on her hand and bounces it a little making sure that it wasn't too light and soft._

_"Alright, so we take turns in shooting this. Your body can't pass the bed to shoot the ball or else that's a violation and the other automatically gets a point. We race to 5 and play for 2 rounds. The winner gets to demand something from the loser and the winner can decide when and where to avail the prize and the loser can't do anything about it. Is that good?"_

_"Anything? Really?"_

_"Yes, really. No limits."_

_Nayeon makes her fake evil laugh and smirks at her girlfriend._

_"Well you better bring your A-game, Myoui. I’m going to crush you."_

_"Ha! Yeah, we'll see."_

_Both girls start their game and surprisingly Nayeon didn't suck as much as they both anticipated. She was able to keep up with Mina, winning one round each and forcing a third round. And even then, it was a close match. The older girl was determined to win since she was going to ask Mina to give her a kiss in front of their parents and friends on Nayeon's upcoming birthday party. They've been together for several years now but Mina was still very shy with the PDA not even wanting to hold Nayeon's hand especially in front of their parents. She would always keep a safe distance from the older girl, which makes the latter pout and sulk._

_It was a tight match and there was taunting and trash talk. But in the end, Mina still won. She got up on the bed and jumped several times having a mini victory party before settling on the bed wearing a mischievous smile as she looks at her girlfriend standing before her._

_"Okay, fine. What do you want?"_

_"Nothing big. I just want you to play a song for me."_

_"You mean like with the-"_

_"Yup"_

_"But you know I can't do that. I-"_

_"You can and you will. No buts."_

_Nayeon sighs defeated. She unwillingly gets out of the room and comes back with her guitar on hand. It was placed beside the bookshelf in the living room but remains untouched. Nayeon only uses it whenever she was alone or on those rare days when she gets super courageous and plays for Mina. When Nayeon re-enters the room, she sits on the floor and starts tuning her guitar. Once she was done, she gives out another deep breath and looks at her girlfriend, pleading (with her eyes) not to make her sing._

_"Nope. A deal's a deal. I'm sure you still would have forced me to kiss you in front of our parents next week."_

_Nayeon rolls her eyes and gives a dissatisfied grunt._

_"Fine. Here I go."_

_Nayeon starts to slowly strum at the strings building up the introduction of the song. It's slow and soft and when the right beat comes along, she starts to sing. She closes her eyes, feeling the music take over her without limitations about being conscious playing in front of another person. The melody of the song builds up to the chorus and Nayeon strums to the beat in sync with her singing. She sings as best as she could hitting the right notes at the right times until the song starts to slowly die down and softens once again. Her stomach gets butterflies from performing but with each note she plays, she gives out so much passion that it's overwhelming. She plucks the strings carefully for the outro of the song and finishes. The older girl opens her eyes to look at her girlfriend, only to see Mina staring intently at her with tears pooling in her eyes. Nayeon quickly sets aside her guitar and moves to sit beside the younger girl to wipe away her tears._

_"I don't know why you hide that from everyone when you have the most beautiful voice. Seriously, Nayeonnie. You are amazing and I wish you could sing openly more often. Or at least with me you don't have to hide it. I love it when you play for me. It's one of my most favorite things."_

_Nayeon hugs Mina and gives her the softest kiss on her forehead._

_"Okay."_

_"Okay?"_

_"I'll play for you whenever you want. Just for you though. I don't think I can handle singing in front of a crowd. Only for you."_

_Mina smiles and that's enough for Nayeon. As long as Myoui Mina was happy, she's happy. She'll do whatever that girl wants her to. Even if she denies it to her girlfriend, deep inside she knew that she lives to make Mina happy._

_A few days later, Mina gives out her birthday speech for Nayeon and publicly kisses her (on the lips!) in front of everyone (even their parents!). The older girl was shocked at her girlfriend's boldness and soon realized that Mina loves her just as much._

 

 

Nayeon gets up and stands to reach out to the make-shift basketball ring that Mina placed. She pries it off carefully, as if it were as precious as holding a little baby and moves down from the bed. She opens one of the bags by the door and gently places the basketball ring there. She takes another deep breath as she stumbles upon one of Mina's favorite jacket. It was an old navy blue university hoodie. Mina used to wear it all the time at the apartment. Sometimes Nayeon would even think if Mina ever washes that hoodie since she would always always wear it.

 

Nayeon takes the jacket and brings it up to her nose. It's so soft and it still smells like Mina. She hates and loves it at the same time. Her hands quiver as she unfolds the jacket and wears it over her white tee. It wasn't much but it felt like Mina was hugging her. And the lingering smell on the jacket made Nayeon's heart swell.

 

She closes her luggage once again and walks towards one of the empty drawers on the cabinet. There was a small space at the deep end of the drawer where Nayeon would usually hide some of her things that she didn't want Mina stumbling upon. Things like the diary she kept from Mina. It was full of stories that she wrote before they started dating and when they did start dating. Nayeon was too embarrassed to show it to her since there were lengthy inputs there that only talked about how “Mina's ass looked fine in those jeans” and how she would love to give them a squeeze. She would also write about how her heart would stop whenever she heard Mina's laugh. Nayeon knew that Mina would make fun of her if she ever read those and would tease her endlessly about being 'whipped' so she opted to hide it from her girlfriend for a while. She planned to show it to Mina someday but she was waiting for the right moment to do it.

 

Nayeon dug deeper into the drawer and felt a small box at the end. She quickly took it and opened it and cried even more at what she saw. Jeongyeon and Jihyo must've found out about her stash.

 

"Nayeon, we're truly very sorry for reading your old diary. But we're even more sorry that we enjoyed every bit of it! YOU ARE SUCH A FREAKING NERD! A PERVY NERD AT THAT! Lol

Okay, anyway, we can tease you about that some other time.

We did our best to save some of the photos from your wall. This was all we could put together. It's not much but we hope you like it.

-Jeongyeon & Jihyo"

 

Nayeon’s face felt hot both from embarrassment and from crying so much. She just couldn’t hold the tears anymore, just letting herself cry over everything . She makes a mental note to do something big for Jeongyeon and Jihyo for helping her throughout all this.

 

She took the box and set it down on the floor to look inside the drawer again. She found a smaller box and released a relieved breath to find out that it was still there. She took it out and stared at it with a blank expression, already knowing its contents without opening it. She placed the smaller box into the box full of photos from the PengBun wall and placed it on top of her old diary. She closed it and stood abruptly. She cleaned up the room a little, putting everything back in its place. Organizing it all again since she’ll be coming back here with Jeongyeon and Jihyo to pick everything up. God knows what Jihyo might do if she sees that Nayeon made another mess in the apartment.

 

Nayeon sets down the box on the living room coffee table. She rummages through her bag and takes out her car keys and sets it on top of the box –her car’s been left at the building parking lot, neglected for several days. Today though, she wanted to take it out for a drive. She didn’t want her best friends to be with her to where she was going.

 

She proceeds to the bathroom to clean up a bit. She opens the door and goes directly to the sink to wash her hands and splash cold water on her face. Nayeon glances up on the mirror to see her face puffy from crying and her eyes red. She was a mess, but that was okay. This was her new normal; crying every day and looking like a zombie. At least she took a shower today and she relatively looks (and smells) better than the previous days. She stares at her reflection. Her mind’s hazy and clear at the same time. Being back at their old apartment brings back too many memories for her and it hurts her to the core. She’s having a hard time balancing herself as it is, and her stomach feels like someone’s playing spaghetti on them and twisting it into knots. She wants to throw up, but can’t. It’s all too much, so she just stares at herself. Trying to calm her heart down, trying to slow her breathing to avoid any more panic attacks.

 

“Stop it, Im Nayeon. You can do this. Stop it. She left you. That’s that. Stop it. Stop it. Stop it.”

 

She scoops up a hand-full of cold water again and splashes it on her face. She continues to stare at her reflection, letting her mind relax and drift off.

 

 

_“Mina, come on. Please just open the door.” Nayeon says from outside the bathroom._

_“No and go away!”_

_“Come on. What is the big deal? I’ve already seen everything anyway.”_

_“But this is different! This is a whole new level of intimacy and I’m just not ready! I’m shy, okay?!”_

_Nayeon laughs at her girlfriend’s silliness. ‘She’s just too cute’_

_“We already live together! It’s bound to happen anyway! Come on, please just open the door.”_

_With that, Mina opens the door with a slight blush and annoyance painted on her face._

_“Babe, will you please just let me pee? I can’t do it with you in here! You’ll hear it and I just can’t have that!” Mina exclaims with horror in her eyes at the thought of the older girl hearing her pee._

_“But I want to shower, I feel so sticky. I don’t mind if I hear you pee. You’ve farted in front of me, come on!” Nayeon laughs_

_“This is different! It’s more embarrassing!”_

_“Really? Seriously? More embarrassing than you farting in front of me?”_

_“Yes! So go away and let me pee! I’ll call you when I’m done!”_

_Mina slams the door on Nayeon’s face and the latter just moves back and laughs. Nayeon loves Mina so much but sometimes she just doesn’t understand what goes on in that girl’s head. They’ve been together for years and she’s still so shy about little things like this. It’s really weird and cute at the same time._

_As soon as Nayeon hears the flush, she moves back to her place in front of the bathroom’s door to greet her shy girlfriend._

_“Done?” Nayeon asks with a very amused smile that reaches her eyes._

_“Stop it. Don’t make fun of me.”_

_“I didn’t say anything!”_

_“Yes but you were thinking it!”_

_Mina pouts and moves away from Nayeon. The older girl catches her though and pulls her in for a bear hug._

_“Ew! Let go! You really are sticky!”_

_Nayeon ignores the younger girl and starts peppering kisses on her face._

_“Shower with me?”_

_“Nope.”_

_“Please?”_

_“No.”_

_“Okay.”_

_Nayeon loosens her grip on Mina a little, but then spins her girlfriend around and quickly carries her inside the bathroom. With Mina still on her arms, she locks the door swiftly and gets under the shower head. She turns on the water and let it fall on the both of them, wetting their clothes in the process. Nayeon sets Mina down and holds her by her waist as the younger hits her shoulders._

_“Now you have no choice but to shower with me.” Nayeon grins_

_“I hate you. I really hate you.”_

_Nayeon pulls Mina in for a kiss, which the latter reciprocates immediately. They pull away and lean their foreheads together._

_“No you don’t. You love me. You love me so much!”_

_Mina huffs at her girlfriend’s obnoxiousness._

_“Yeah, whatever, you love me too.”_

_“And that I do. You’re my cutie baby penguin Minari” Nayeon hums as she squishes the younger girl’s cheeks._

_Mina swats Nayeon’s hands away and both girls start removing all their clothes._

_They shower together with much difficulty as Mina tries her best to stop all of her pervy girlfriend’s advances. She failed and they ended up spending too much time inside the bathroom._

_A month later, their water bill arrived in the mail and shocked both of them at how high it was. Mina made Nayeon swear to stop with all the bathroom shenanigans. A promise that was of course broken later that day._

Nayeon continued to stare at herself, smiling at the memory of Mina. The girl was cold but she couldn’t resist Nayeon. She was weird in her own special way and Nayeon loved every bit of her.

 

Another set of tears well up in Nayeon’s eyes again so she splashes water on her face and quickly leaves the bathroom. She picks up her bag from the couch, and takes the box and her car keys from the coffee table. She immediately walks down the hallway, out of the suffocating apartment and locks the door. She runs to her car to relieve herself from the heartache brought by her and Mina’s old apartment. She used to love that place so much and she still does. But, being back there reminded her of why she needed to leave it. It was too much. There was too much of her and Mina in that place and she just can’t stand to stay there without Mina. Being there felt wrong and it suffocated her.

 

Her car was parked at her usual spot under the big tree in the middle of the parking lot. It was the best spot in the whole lot and she fought hard to get it. She pays the building security extra just for that spot, and had to threaten a bitchy soccer mom for it.

 

She hastily got in the car and put the it on drive. The need to leave the area was high and she just couldn’t stand being there for too long. Plus, Nayeon had places to go and she didn’t want to waste her time in that apartment anymore. This was more important.

 

The drive was silent. There weren’t any music playing; only the sound of the acceleration and the air conditioner could be heard inside the car. Nayeon would usually play loud music every time she rode this car, drowning her thoughts with different songs that play. Right now though, she was just too distracted to play anything. The car was silent, but her mind made so much noise. She couldn’t stop thinking about Mina.

 

Before she knew it, Nayeon was already nearing her destination. She had only been here twice. Long ago for her father, and weeks ago for Mina. She absolutely hated this place. The trees were all neatly trimmed and aligned, the grass was kept clean, and it was peaceful. The place offered serenity, but that was far from what Nayeon was feeling.

 

She parked the car by the street and gathered her things. She took the box from the passenger seat and got out of the vehicle. Nayeon stepped on the clean-cut grass and walked towards Mina’s spot. The flowers that people had placed weeks ago during the memorial were nowhere to be found, and only Mina’s framed picture was leaned against the stone. Nayeon drops to her knees and puts the box on the grass beside her. Tears were uncontrollably flowing from her eyes once more as she caresses Mina’s photo with her fingertips.

 

“Hey. I know I haven’t visited you in weeks and I’m sorry. I just couldn’t bring myself to go here. I’m sorry. I know that was selfish of me. I just can’t believe it, you know? I can’t believe you left me. I can’t believe you’re gone. I just –I don’t know what to do. I miss you so much it hurts.”

 

Nayeon takes the box from her side and sets it down between her and Mina’s framed photo. She takes out some of the photos and lays it on the grass.

 

“I brought these for you. These were all that Jeong and Jihyo could salvage. I kind of went a little berserk that night you –you –well, you know. I ruined some of them. I know, I know. If you were here, you would most definitely get mad at me. I’m really sorry. I won’t break our things anymore. I promise. I’ll keep these safe with me.”

 

She then takes the photos back inside the box and brings out her old diary.

 

“This one. This one, I never showed you. I knew you would make fun of me if you ever read this. But, I was planning on showing it to you though. It was supposed to be one of the big moves I was planning to do on our special night.”

 

Nayeon paused and took out the small box she had taken from the drawer earlier. She opens it to reveal a smaller velvet box with a note underneath it. She picked up the box and opened it to reveal the diamond ring she was saving for Mina. She placed it beside the picture frame and took out the piece of paper in the small box.

 

“See? It’s all right here, baby.” Nayeon said as she shakily opened the note and sniffed.

 

“Step 1: Book the museum where we had our very first date.

Step 2: Book a table at our favorite restaurant.

Step 3: Bring you out to dinner on our 5th anniversary.

Step 4: Totally be charming and woo you over dinner.

Step 5: Bring you to the museum.

Step 6: Read you my old embarrassing diary and ultimately give it to you. Everything in there’s all about you anyway so I guess it’s basically yours too.

Step 7: Let you laugh at me –which I know you will do for quite a while. You’re a big meanie, I know that and I’ve accepted it. I love you.

Step 8: Pop the question while you’re busy laughing at me so that I could _totally_ get you by surprise.

Step 9: Of course you would say yes so I’ll put this ring on your gorgeous finger.

Step 10: Take the most beautiful woman on this earth (you) home and make sweet sweet love.”

 

Nayeon chuckles at herself and folds the paper and places it back on the small box.

 

“See baby? I had it all planned out for you. I wanted everything to be perfect for the perfect girl. I’m sorry I couldn’t do it. I’m sorry I couldn’t give you all of this. I was too late. I shouldn’t have waited. I should’ve married you when I had the chance. I’m sorry Mina. I should have loved you more. I should have kissed you and hugged you and held your hands more. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't keep all my promises to you."

 

She was full on crying now, her vision blurred from the pools of tears in her eyes. Apparently she had this endless supply of tears inside her.

 

“I’m trying. I really am. It’s just really hard. I’m so angry at you and at myself and at everyone. I know it was an accident. I know that no one’s really at fault and I’m doing my best to accept that. I really am. But I –I –I just can’t accept that you’re not with me. I can’t believe you left me. You promised me you’d stay. But now I’m alone again. I’m sorry for blaming you. This is why I’m angry at myself too. ‘Cause I know it’s not your fault but I can’t help but be mad at you. I’m so sorry. Baby, I’m so sorry.”

 

Nayeon sloppily wipes her eyes, then wipes her hand on her jeans.

 

“At least just this once, today, let me ask you this.

 

Myoui Mina, will you marry me?”

 

She stares at Mina’s photo and then closes her eyes. She lets more of her tears fall and gives a small smile. Nayeon could almost hear it and see it. She could hear her angel’s melodic voice saying yes and see her give out that smile that makes Nayeon’s heart stop. She could see it as clear as day.

 

The sudden gust of the wind wakes Nayeon up from her daydream and she opens her eyes. The tears have momentarily stopped and she sets down the ring beside Mina’s the picture frame again.

 

“I’ll do my best not to cry anymore. I will. And I promise to visit more. Just give me more time, okay? I miss you everyday Mina. I really miss you. I’ve decided to continue our bucket list by the way. I know you would’ve wanted that. I’ll visit all the places we talked about. I will. I’ll even bring that penguin plush you love so much. For you, baby. Anything. Always.”

 

Nayeon takes the picture frame and clutches it on her chest.

 

“Happy 5th Anniversary, baby. I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I actually wrote this more than a year ago I think? I'm only reposting this here now.
> 
> I'm sorry for bringing this up again.
> 
> -@boppmin


End file.
